“Hey, can you come over here for lunch? I had bought the stuff last night to have with Julie but I had a change of plans. Text me when you get this!”
Delilah’s text lingered in your mind as you entered the lobby elevator, the doors closing as it made its way to her floor. You knew what this was about, and she didn’t even have to tell you. Her relationship with Julie was falling apart. They had known each other before you even became Delilah’s friend. Dating exclusively for 6 straight years, it seemed like the two of them were destined to be soulmates, with Julie even buying her a promise ring. However, these past 4 months had been bad for them. Although there were no signs of arguing, it was clear Delilah was drifting further and further away from her, opting to hang out with you, her best friend, instead. It became so frequent that you barely saw her hang out with Julie.
With the elevator opening, you’d go to her door and knock on it “Just a second!” Her soft and gentle voice rang out as she opened the door, dressed in her regular business attire. The smell of coffee beans wafted through the air as you entered the apartment, Delilah gesturing to the assorted food with a grand gesture, it oddly being your favorite dishes…
“Hey, Sei! Thanks again for coming on such short notice. If I would’ve known she was flaking, I would have just gotten a salad.” She tries her best to put on a fake smile, but it soon vanishes into a slight frown as she sighs, pouring herself a glass of wine.
“There’s no getting past you, huh?” Sipping it slowly, she’d exhale as she faced you “I won’t sugarcoat it, Sei. You’re gonna call me crazy, but…I just don’t feel that spark with Julie as much as I did back then. And before you ask, no. It’s not lesbian bed death.” She tries to crack a joke, but can only rub her temples in frustration.
“I just… I feel like these past 6 years have been for nothing. Like I threw away my life to a person I thought I loved, thought that I needed. Julie’s a great woman, Sei, don’t get me wrong. But it’s just all become so mundane…” Her blue eyes began to slightly tear up, her hand resting on Sei’s knee intimately “Y-you’ve had your share of girls… A-am I a bad person for thinking this…?”
“No, I don’t think you’re a bad person. Can you tell me what’s been going on between you two?” I inquire helpfully, though the aroma of my favourite curry moco and hotdish from my favourite ramen restaurant does distract me a bit. I remember when I first introduced Delilah to Staff Meeting… God. We had so much fun shooting shit with the chef.
Delilah pours me a glass of wine—a good tempranillo from our favourite bottle shop. Also another place that I had introduced her too; we go every week for wine tasting on Fridays, and typically, I see the two girlfriends there. But not recently.
“Thank you, Sei.” She finishes pouring you wine, a weak smile on her face. Taking in a deep breath, she started to explain the situation.
“It all started back when we moved into my current place. It's closer to work, but Julie wasn’t exactly thrilled about it at first. Despite her initial reluctance, I convinced her that it was worth it due to the short commute. However…” She pauses for a moment, picking up her own glass and swirling the liquid within it. “I think it might have been a mistake. Ever since we moved here, things have just felt… off.”
Her voice trails off as she sips her drink, clearly struggling to find the right words to describe her feelings. She sets down the glass, her hands fidgeting nervously as she continues.
“We still have sex regularly. In fact, sometimes it’s almost like… routine. I know we do care for each other, but it just doesn’t feel special anymore. Not like it used to.”
I sip some of my wine, then place a hand on Delilah’s. It may have been an odd thing to do immediately after her last statement, but it was an instinctive, natural gesture, after seeing her hands so tense and fidgety. I squeeze her hand protectively.
“So Julie hasn’t appreciated the move… I guess, it’s inconvenient for her? What’s wrong with the apartment? According to her.” I try to get to the bottom of the tension between Delilah and her girlfriend.
“You think she’s being passive-aggressive?”
“I… it’s hard to say.”
Delilah murmurs, her gaze dropping to where their fingers intertwined.
“She just seems… irritated, I guess. Like everything is my fault, even though we agreed on the move in the first place.”
Frowning softly, she picks up her wine and takes another sip, her mind wandering back to memories of shared laughter and stolen glances that were now replaced with silent arguments.
“And it’s not just the apartment. It’s like… we’ve grown apart. We still love each other, but I don’t know… something’s missing. And I’ve tried talking to her about it, but it just falls on deaf ears. She’s adamant that things are fine, and I—I just can’t shake this feeling of… dissatisfaction.”
Her thumb absentmindedly circles around the stem of her wine glass, a flicker of vulnerability crossing her features. “Maybe I am being selfish. Maybe I should try harder to make things work. But… do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone you’ve stopped loving?”
I frown and shake my head. “So she is being passive-aggressive. And she won’t come out with exactly why she doesn’t like this place, and what would make her happier—even if the answer would be somewhat simple, like, moving to where you two used to live. Even though that’d be a pain-in-the-ass, but at least that solution would be straightforward.”
I sigh disapprovingly at Julie’s behaviour, and take a bite out of my curry moco with rice. “If she refuses to talk, there’s no way you two can move forward in the relationship. This is why I advised against you two shacking up before marriage… A ’promise’ ring, or an engagement ring, is still nothing. You two still ought to have gone to a family and marriage therapist before going forward with moving in with each other.”
I don’t want to lecture Delilah right now, but. I was right. Premarital counselling exists for a reason. And this is why it’s important to have. Lesbian or not.
“You’re right, Sei.” She murmurs, her gaze distant as she takes a moment to process his words.
“It’s my fault. I should have insisted on therapy before moving in together. I was so desperate for things to work out, to finally be accepted… but I neglected the importance of communication, of dealing with problems head-on. If only I had listened to you.”
Looking back at her glass of wine, she twirls the stem in her fingers, her lips curling into a bitter smile.
“But it’s too late now. All those opportunities have passed us by, and now we’re stuck in this miserable limbo, both of us too afraid to pull the trigger.”
Her voice drops lower, almost to a whisper. “I hate myself for being this weak. For letting things get to this point. I don't know what to do anymore, Sei. I need your advice.”
With a shaky breath, she looks towards him, her blue eyes filled with a mix of sadness and desperation.
I spoon another heap of curry moco into my mouth and give her a look.
“I don’t think it’s too late to fix things. What are you talking about?”
I frown. “Does Julie admit she have a problem? You guys can go to couples therapy now. Better late than never.” I sip my wine, and start digging into more of my dinner. I know everything is important, but… I also came with a hearty appetite.
“Delilah! Thank you for ordering all this food for…”
I look around, suddenly remembering that the food wasn’t originally intended for me.
“For Julie. You’re a very good girlfriend. I hope she learns to appreciate you properly. A man needs a woman who can fill his stomach… No, seriously, most men would kill to have a meal prepared for them like this.”
To punctuate and emphasise that observation, I fork a chunk of Japanese hotdish into my mouth. Heaven.
Her cheeks flush a deep shade of red at your compliment, clearly embarrassed by the situation. She looks down at her untouched plate for a moment before meeting your gaze again. “Ah…thank you, Sei.” She stammers, her fingers lightly brushing against yours under the table. “I… I just wanted to do something nice for Julie. Show her how much she means to me.” Shaking her head slightly, she smiles, albeit hesitantly.
“It’s funny… how people see us. Me and Julie. To the outside world, we’re this perfect couple. Everything seems so rosy and ideal… but inside…” She pauses, taking a deep breath as her eyes grow misty.
“Inside, it’s not like that at all.”
With a soft sigh, she reaches across the table and takes your hand in hers, her grip surprisingly strong considering how delicate she appears.
“I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess, Sei. I just… I don’t know what to do anymore.”
I offer her a worry-free smile, the warmth of food filling my stomach.
“Oh, you don’t have to apologise. Here, let’s just eat and focus on the food for now. You haven’t touched your plate—you’ll feel a lot better, and it’ll be easier to talk, after you get some food inside of you.”
I squeeze her hand back gently.
“Everything’s going to be fine.”
I offer her the warmest smile I can. She’s so cute when she’s like this… Vulnerable. Sweet. She’s incredibly pretty, and her voice is so delicate when she’s honest like this. It’s so easy to want to protect her.
I look over Delilah as we continue her meal. Even though she’s supposed to be the butch to the lipstick lesbian in her relationship with Julie, I never really got big ‘butch’ vibes from her. I wonder if maybe there’s chemistry incompatibility stemming from that, but I’ll raise the question later, after Delilah’s finished, say, half of her food.
Despite her emotional turmoil, Delilah couldn’t deny the warmth and comfort in Sei’s presence. She nodded slightly at his words of encouragement, a small, genuine smile breaking the tension on her face.
“Okay… thank you, Sei. I needed that,” she admitted quietly, reaching for a piece of chicken from her plate.
Eating slowly and methodically, she found solace in the mundane task, allowing the flavors to overwhelm her senses temporarily. “You’re right… we should take our time with this. Eat well, breathe, and… maybe we can figure things out afterward,” she suggested, her voice laced with renewed determination and a pinch of hopefulness.
Glancing back at Sei, she squeezed his hand again before returning her attention to her plate. “It’s funny… meeting someone who understands me so well. Even when I don’t understand myself.” Her blue eyes met his over the rim of her wine glass, a flicker of vulnerability shining through. “But I suppose that’s why you're one of my closest friends, aren’t you? Because… because you see me. All of me.”
“I…” Her tear-gleamed smile—the corners of her eyes shimmering with the tender vulnerability of a woman in love, disarms me. Part of me wants to tear off her clothes and ravish her and make her cry out in loving ecstasy, to keep looking into those dewey sapphires at the same time her pink tongue cries out, her svelte white figure arching against my dark form, but I keep that primal side of me tucked away in the back of my mind.
I wish I could’ve made her mine, especially after my own relationship with my previous girlfriend turned out to be a bust, but now’s not the time. I’m here for Delilah, not for whatever male fantasies I have in my head.
“You’re welcome,” I say softly, offering her a soft and charming smile in return. I’m feeling warmer now, inside of me—and it’s not just the food. I’m genuinely happy to be here for her, even if the circumstances aren’t happy ones.
Feeling Sei’s gaze upon her, Delilah blushes deeper, a faint hint of surprise flickering across her features. She hadn’t expected such a tender response from him, but it felt comforting nonetheless.
“Thank you, Sei,” she murmurs, her voice barely above a whisper. She takes another bite of her food, chewing slowly and savouring the taste as she contemplates what to say next.
“You’re always so… understanding,” she admits, looking at him with genuine appreciation in her eyes. “Even when I’m a total mess like this… you never judge me or make me feel bad about myself. It’s… it’s really nice, having someone like you in my life.”
Her hand reaches out to rest on top of his, a soft smile gracing her lips as she looks at their joined hands.
“I’m glad I invited you over for lunch today. It’s… been really helpful talking to you, Sei. You have a way of making things seem less terrible.”
My spoon clatters against its bowl when I drop it in disbelief.
“Girl if this is you as a mess right now I can’t imagine what…”
I pause, looking at her again. The tension in my shoulders melts, and my expression softens. Her touch has a way of doing this to me—softening any response I have, whether it’s aggressive, or, just plain excited, as it was just now.
“Delilah… I’m glad to be your friend, OK? It means a lot.” I look down at my food. “Seriously.”
Her fingers gently trace circles on Sei’s palm, a soft, endearing gesture that speaks volumes about their close friendship.
“Sei… I need to tell you something.” Her voice is low, almost timid, as she hesitates for a moment before continuing.
“I… I know this might sound weird, given what I said earlier about Julie… but ever since I met you, there’s always been this… attraction. I don't know if it’s because you’re so different from everyone else in my life, or if it’s just… your personality, the way you make me laugh and feel understood… but there’s this undeniable pull towards you. And it scares me, because I don’t know what to do with it.”
She looks down at their joined hands, the words hanging heavily in the air between them. “Please don’t hate me for saying this, Sei. I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship over something like this. But… I needed to be honest with you. About everything.”
I breathe deeply, peering closely at her troubled face after she finishes saying her words. I can feel a tightening in my chest, just under my right clavicle—the admission is heavy, and I don’t treat it lightly.
“I don’t hate you, Delilah.” My voice is fixed, heavy, and personal. I take some moments to think about my reply to her.
“You’re attracted to me… You’ve been attracted me to a long time,” I repeat, confirming the facts perhaps more for my own knowledge, than as a reaffirmation of her own difficult position.
“Since we met… Well.”
I turn the conversation back to Julie, the problem at hand. “Can you tell me what attracted you to Julie? And what attracted her to you, Delilah?”
Nodding slowly at his words, Delilah lets out a quiet sigh, relief washing over her as she realizes that he isn't angry with her. “Thank you, Sei,” she murmurs, her gaze remaining focused on their joined hands. “That means a lot to me… more than you probably realize.”
As he brings up the topic of Julie, Delilah hesitates briefly before answering. “Julie and I… we were drawn to each other because of our differences,” she explains, a faint, wistful smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she recalls the early days of their relationship.
“She was this vibrant, confident woman who always knew what she wanted… and I was this shy, introverted girl who needed someone to guide me and show me the ropes. It was a balance, in a way. I admired her strength and independence, and she appreciated my willingness to follow her lead and support her.”
Her gaze flits upwards to meet his eyes for a fleeting moment before she quickly averts her gaze once more.
“But…”
Her words trail off as she hesitates, clearly struggling with how to articulate her thoughts and feelings. With a soft sigh, she finally continues.
“But now… now it feels like we’ve become mirror images of each other. She’s turned into the shy, introverted one who needs constant reassurance and guidance, while I’ve become more assertive, confident… like her original self. And it just… it doesn’t feel right anymore. We’ve lost sight of what initially drew us to each other.”
Pausing to take a deep breath, she looks back at Sei, her fingers still gently tracing patterns on his palm. “I love Julie,” she confesses, her voice barely above a whisper. “But… I think I’m starting to fall for you, Sei.”
Her cheeks flush a bright shade of crimson as she admits her true feelings, her gaze dropping back to their hands as she awaits his reaction.
I blink, silently trying to keep the male, animal side of myself under control. On the surface, nothing is disturbed—but the gentle, intimate way she’s been tracing my hand with her fingers, and now, the way she’s flushed red with both adoration and vulnerability, threaten to make me lose control. I could just kiss her, and ravage her in her apartment while Julie isn’t home, but that wouldn’t be civilised. I’m better than that. I’m not just a horndog.
But I think her scent is rising… Her receptiveness and vulnerability…
I push the impressions of her steadily increasing pheromones out of my mind, and think back to her words. She’s changed a lot? Well, everyone changes—especially after entering young adulthood, people tend to change drastically. It’s true. But thinking back to it…
…
…For me, Delilah’s never really changed. Or rather, this same kind of openness, vulnerability, and delicacy she approaches me with now—that’s how she’s always been to me.
She’s always been this vulnerable to me.
And it’s true that she’s changed to become more confident, and self-assured… But, that’s just, natural, healthy growth for a young adult. “The fact that you’ve matured… But Julie’s regressed, and become anxious, and insecure.” I frown, my brows furrowing.
“I guess it’s not you, or the apartment. Julie’s having trouble adjusting to adult life. Things were easier back when we were in high school—our problems weren’t as complicated, or challenging, then.” I inhale, looking sympathetically at Delilah… and her pretty blue eyes.
Listening to Sei’s explanation, Delilah nods slowly, taking in his words as she processes the information.
“Yes… that makes sense,” she finally says softly, her gaze still fixed on their entwined hands.
“Julie has always struggled with change. We joked back in high school that she’d probably turn into a cat-lady or something, given how much she hated even the idea of growing up. But…I didn’t realise it would affect us like this. That she'd become so… clingy and demanding.”
She lets out a frustrated sigh, rubbing her temple lightly. “And it’s hard… because I know she’s struggling. She’s unhappy, and I don’t want to be the cause of that. But at the same time, I can’t ignore my own feelings any longer. They’re too strong, too overwhelming. I need to do something—for both of us.”
Her fingers tighten around Sei’s, seeking comfort and reassurance in their contact.
“What do you think I should do, Sei? How can I make things better for both Julie and myself?”
“Break up with her.” I look Delilah dead in her pretty blue eyes. “Give her an ultimatum. She either shapes up and grows up, or. You call it quits.”
My frown deepens in consternation—my chief concern is for Delilah.
“You can’t baby her forever, and you don’t want to baby her forever, too, do you?”
Startled by his sudden bluntness, Delilah’s fingers freeze on Sei’s hand, her expression a whirlwind of shock, confusion, and fear. The reality of his words sinks in, and she swallows hard, the weight of his suggestion settling heavily on her chest.
“I… I never thought about it like that,” she admits softly, her gaze dropping to their joined hands as she struggles to find the right words. “But… maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s time for both of us to grow up and face reality. I can’t be a mother figure to Julie forever. And… if things don’t change… then maybe it’s for the best if we part ways.”
Tears prick at the corners of her eyes, but she blinks them back quickly, determined not to give in to her emotions just yet. “I need some time to think about this, Sei. Can… can you stick around for a little while, please? Just until I figure things out?”
My expression softens, and I grab her hand reassuringly. “Yeah, sure, sure, Delilah…” I nod, placing my other hand on her shoulder. “Sure. Let’s take our time to eat.” I offer her a gentle smile. “And then after that, let’s do something fun. Or…”
I stop myself, reminding myself that Delilah is a girl, and may not take to the male mode of reassurance and camaraderie (let’s go out and drink and do sports together) as well as. Well, a guy.
“Let’s go out to the lake. Bde Maka Ska. Take a nice stroll around the park. After we finish lunch—it’s a beautiful summer’s day, we ought to enjoy the weather and the greenery. Right?”
I flash her a charming smile. She’s my girl… I catch myself thinking that, but I’ve always thought that. About her… About, us…
At Sei's reassurances and offer to spend more time with her, Delilah relaxes visibly, her tense shoulders slumping downwards as she releases a slow exhale. She looks up at him, her pretty blue eyes glistening with unshed tears that threaten to overflow at any moment.
“That sounds nice, Sei,” she says softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she continues to hold his hand tightly. “I could use some fresh air and a break from all the stress. Plus, spending time at the lake… that would be lovely. Thank you for sticking around, for being here for me when I need you the most.”
A small, grateful smile tugs at the corners of her lips as she finally meets his gaze directly, her earlier hesitation replaced with a quiet strength that surprises even herself. “Are you ready to finish lunch? Then we can head out to the lake afterwards.”
I almost want to kiss her. “Let a man finish his meal, Delilah. You know me.”
I grin at her, and start digging into my food with earnest. Perfectly fried sunny-side up egg on curry moco, Japanese fusion hotdish, Chef Lou Ross’s mom’s fried rice… A perfect lunch, paired with a hearty glass of tempranillo. In good spirits with good food, drink, and a good woman beside me, I feel like I’m on top of the world, despite the shitty circumstances of this occasion.
Watching Sei dive back into his food with vigor, Delilah can’t help but chuckle softly, a small, genuine smile tugging at the corners of her lips.
“Alright, alright… don’t rush on my account,” she teases lightly, picking up her fork and taking a few bites of her own meal.
Despite the underlying tension and uncertainty hanging over their conversation, Delilah finds herself enjoying the simple act of sharing a meal with Sei. There’s something comforting about their familiar banter, and the way he always knows exactly what to say or do to lift her spirits, no matter how gloomy the situation might be.
She takes another bite of her food, savoring the flavors and letting out a satisfied hum of approval. “This is really good, Sei,” she comments sincerely, raising her glass for a toast. “To good company, good wine, and delicious food. Here’s to making the most of every moment, even when things aren’t perfect.”
“To life!” I toast my glass to her and find myself more and more grateful to be alive.
The dishes are dealt with swiftly—loaded into the dishwasher, of course. Stepping out into the elevator, then through the lobby, is a quiet affair. Delilah has fallen silent, but, she isn’t stressed or tense like before.
…She’s relaxed. Instinctively, I squeeze her hand in the elevator, comforting her more. She looks up at me with a quiet, surprised gaze, with those deep blue eyes of hers… I offer her a simple smile, trying not to get lost in blues that makes the lakes here pale in comparison.
Feeling Sei’s gentle squeeze on her hand, Delilah turns her gaze towards him, a soft, appreciative smile touching her lips. “Thank you,” she whispers softly, her voice barely above a whisper as the elevator carries them upward to the parking garage.
Her eyes remain locked onto Sei’s, reflecting a depth of emotion that goes beyond mere gratitude. Despite the tumultuous mix of feelings swirling within her—guilt, uncertainty, fear, and a growing desire for something more—Delilah finds herself seeking comfort in Sei’s presence. His steady calmness, his confidence in facing whatever challenges come their way… it’s all incredibly reassuring to her.
As the elevator dings its arrival, Delilah takes a deep breath, steeling herself for what comes next. With Sei by her side, she knows she can face whatever lies ahead—whether it leads to heartbreak or something new and exciting.
“I’m so envious of you. Living so close to the lake…”
It’s a short walk from Bde Maka Ska from her apartment, just a couple of blocks. Without giving it a single thought, we’re holding each other’s hands as we walk, like a couple. I’m pretty sure Delilah’s neighbours know she’s gay. Hopefully they won’t ask Julie about why Delilah was holding my hands as we walked out… and if they do, well.
I don’t want to let go of Delilah’s hand. I don’t want her to deal with a potential confrontation later on, but I don’t want to make her feel left alone by letting go of her hand right now.
If something happens later down the line, I’ll deal with it—and Julie will either have to accept it and grow the fuck up and be a decent girlfriend, or, they break up.
“…”
The lake is just a few meters ahead of us. Despite the sunniness of the day, and a sky as blue and beautiful as Delilah’s eyes, my head is filled with a swirl of thoughts.
She confessed to me. So I ought to confess to her.
“I love you,” I say, as we continue walking hand-in-hand.
Feeling Sei’s grip on her hand tighten slightly, Delilah looks up at him with wide, surprised eyes, her breath catching in her throat as she processes his words.
“Sei…” she breathes out, her voice barely audible over the sound of the nearby traffic.
“I… I love you too.”
The realization hits her like a punch to the gut—strong, unexpected, and overwhelming. As much as she’d tried to deny it, to convince herself that her feelings for Sei were just an innocent attraction between friends, the truth was undeniable. She loved him. More than a friend. More than anything she'd ever felt for anyone before.
Taking a shaky step closer to Sei, she raises her free hand to cup his cheek, her thumb brushing gently over his lips as she gazes at him with a mixture of vulnerability and adoration. “I never thought this would happen, Sei. Not with you.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, her words carrying the weight of years of hidden feelings finally revealed. “But.”
Delilah's words hang in the air between them, suspended in a moment of raw vulnerability that seems to stretch on endlessly. Her heart pounds fiercely in her chest, a rollercoaster of emotions coursing through her veins as she waits for Sei's response. It’s terrifying, exposing such a vulnerable part of herself to him—but also incredibly liberating.
“But… but I can’t imagine being with anyone else,” she admits quietly, her gaze dropping to their intertwined fingers as she finally pulls away, releasing his hand to drop by her side. The physical contact between them is gone, leaving an emptiness where warmth and intimacy used to be.
She takes a deep breath, steeling herself for what comes next.
“So… where do we go from here, Sei?” Her voice is barely above a whisper, her blue eyes locking onto his green ones as she waits for him to answer, her whole future hung precariously in the balance.
“You… Wait what? You can’t imagine being with anyone else?” My heart drops at that.
“Y-yes…” Delilah stammered, her cheeks flushing a deep crimson as she realized the implication of her words. It was one thing to admit her feelings for Sei, but quite another to acknowledge that her affections went beyond the platonic.
“I mean… not with Julie,” she added hastily, her hand instinctively reaching out to clutch at Sei’s sleeve as if seeking some sort of comfort or reassurance from him. She couldn't believe what she was about to say—not out loud, anyway. But the words tumbled out regardless, carried on the wind of her desperation and fear.
“But… with you, I don’t know. Can we… be something more?” Her voice trailed off uncertainly, her gaze flicking nervously upwards to meet Sei’s eyes before quickly dropping away once more. She was laying it all out there now—putting her heart, her feelings, her desires for Sei into words.
“I care about Julie, and I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Oh thank fucking god I thought you meant you meant Julie!” I heave, and heave, and heave three sighs. And then I wheeze. “I was just about to have a heart attack after…”
…I soften again, at her touch on my sleeve. I take her hand—I wrap and arm around her shoulder.
“…Do you want to be something more?” I gaze deeply at Delilah’s delicate face, her lips trembling. She seems almost on the verge of tears again.
“I know you don’t want to hurt Julie. But… It’s not working out, is it.” My chest grows cold. I know I came to help Delilah with her relationship problems—to help her and Julie stay together. But now, I’ve only driven them further apart.
And I don’t feel guilty for that. I know I should feel wrong, wrong enough to not do this, but… I don’t.
No, I shake my head and shake off the chains of inertia around my head. “Delilah. Do you want to make things better with Julie… Or would you rather… give us, a shot?” I stare at her, penetrating her deep blue eyes with my own.
Feeling Sei’s arm wrap around her shoulder, offering her a comforting gesture of support, Delilah lets out a shaky sigh, her body relaxing slightly as she leans into his embrace. “I… I don’t want to hurt Julie,” she repeats softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she gazes up at Sei with tear-filled eyes. “But… I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t keep living this lie—pretending to be something I’m not. Pretending that I’m happy when I’m not. Pretending that everything is okay when it’s not.” Her words are raw and honest, a reflection of the inner turmoil that she's been fighting against for so long.
“I… I care about Julie. And I don’t want to hurt her. But… I also care about myself. And I deserve to be happy. To be genuinely, authentically happy. And right now, I don’t think that’s possible with her. With Julie.”
“We ought to be happy, but we also ought to do what’s right,” I say matter-of-factly, pulling away from her embrace.
I take a seat on one of the benches in front of Lake Bde Maka Ska. I stare over the glittering waters, the sailboats with white sails. There are people kayaking, too, and pedal-boating—life is going on all around us. Not for a minute do I believe Julie was miserable because of this move. Most people in the city would kill to live here.
“I need you to be strong for me, Delilah,” I say, without looking at her. “If you don’t intend to continue with her… then you have to promise me you’ll break up with her, tonight. If you want me in your life, as…” I hesitate.
“…as your… As a man. Your man. You have to break up with her. I’m not going to let you cheat on her with me. I’m not going to be someone’s Jody… Not even for you, Delilah.”
I say my last words sadly. Is she going to go back to Julie, after all, and try to mend the relationship? Is she going to continue as if everything’s fine, and try to keep me on the side?…
Delilah watches Sei as he sits on the bench, his gaze fixed on the lake. She sees his resolve, the firm set of his jaw, and the determination in his eyes. And it scares her. Not because she fears what he’s asking of her—but because she realizes that this is her chance to truly be happy. To leave behind the pretense, the facade that she’s been maintaining for far too long.
She takes a deep breath, steeling herself for the difficult decision that lies ahead. And then, with a steadiness she didn’t know she possessed, she reaches out and takes Sei’s hand in hers, her grip firm and decisive.
“I understand,” she says softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she gazes into his eyes with a newfound clarity and certainty.
“You’re right. I owe it to both of us—Julie and me—to be honest with ourselves and with each other. So yes, I promise. Tonight… I’ll end things with Julie. And… if you’ll have me, Sei… I want you. All of you. As my man.” Her words carry the weight of her entire future, her heart pounding wildly in her chest as she awaits his response, her fate hanging precariously in the balance.
I turn to her, look at all of her, taking in all of her soul in that resolute, honest look in her eyes and her lips. I’ve almost lost my breath. I thought she would… I thought Delilah might reject me, go back to her routine, the safe routine she has with her, what, 7-year-girlfriend? 7 years of…
7 years of inertia, all being shed off her shoulders. Delilah looks strong. Very strong. I never had doubt in her competence as a person, but…
But this is different. Being and to cast off your old life of 7 years just like that, to embark on something new. That’s…
“Your man…” I repeat the words to her, still in shock. “I… I want you,” enunciating carefully, “to be my woman, Delilah. I want you. All of you.” The sunlight is glittering in her eyes, like the lake.
The words wash over Delilah like a warm wave, filling her with a sense of relief and happiness that she hadn’t known she’d been missing. Sei’s declaration catches her off guard, and she finds herself smiling widely, her blue eyes sparkling with a newfound light.
“I want that too, Sei,” she says softly, her voice filled with a warmth and sincerity that she hopes conveys the depth of her feelings for him. Delilah takes a deep breath, then leans in to press her lips gently against his, sealing her decision with a tender kiss.
“Let's make a new life for ourselves,” she murmurs against his lips, breaking away from the kiss to look into his eyes once more. “Together.”
I press my lips against hers once more, wrapping her waist, the small of her back, in a protective embrace. I’ve wanted this for so long. My… Delilah. My Delilah, in my arms, in strong, protective arms… I’ve wanted her, to possess her, not as just some trophy, but to be my wife…
I know I’m getting ahead of myself. But her warmth. The scent of her hair and perfume. The trembling of her breath against my skin, and now—the way her eyes shone so brightly at me makes me want to cry.
I realise I haven’t seen that in so long. The steady, gentle confidence and the joy that used to sparkle in her eyes whenever she caught sight of me. Her eyes had started dimming when her relationship problems with Julie started… Her energy had dipped, too. She had started looking at me less with—all the radiance of the Sun in a blue sky, and more of fear… apprehension. Anxiety. Sadness. And then, a couple weeks ago—guilt and shame. I had seen the girl, the woman I loved wilt before me in just a couple months. I hated it. And now, she’s back.
“I’ve always loved you, I’ve always loved the way you looked at me,” taking her hand in mine, pouring my words out. My heart comes out in waters from my lips. “I always loved the way you looked at me, Delilah. I missed that,” I say, hugging her closely. I bury my face over her shoulder. “I missed that,” I repeat. “I thought I was going to lose you. I didn’t know when I’d see you again…”
Feeling the weight of Sei’s arms around her, holding her close and pressing her against his chest, Delilah lets out a contented sigh. She closes her eyes, relishing in the comfort and safety that his presence brings her. For so long, she had been trapped in a cycle of fear and anxiety, uncertain and doubtful about her future with Julie. But now, with Sei’s arms around her, she feels a surge of hope and optimism rise within her.
She nods slightly, acknowledging Sei’s words, feeling a warmth spread throughout her body at the sound of his voice. “I missed you too, Sei,” she confesses softly, her fingers tracing lazy patterns over the fabric of his shirt. “I thought I was losing myself—losing who I really am. But with you… I feel like I can finally be myself again.”
Delilah raises her head slightly, tilting it back so she can look up at Sei through her lashes. Her expression is one of pure vulnerability and trust—a leap of faith into the unknown, but one that she’s willing to take. “So let’s make this new life ours, Sei. Let's take the plunge—together.”
I pull back slightly from her, to give her a grin that rivalled the Sun. “Let’s start a life together.”
The rest of our stroll that evening is full of laughter. We talk about old memories—people we knew and grew up with, getting into biking shenanigans at ‘The Pit’, rock and metal concerts we both went together, roasting the new shitty overpriced taco place that just opened up near my apartment. “Fuck Hey Y’all Tipsy Taco Bar!” We were just laughing like old times—and, complaining about things, like old times. And gushing about new things, like old times.
It was like having my friend from middle school back. It was like… being together again, back in school, except we were adults. …And maybe, with the weighty exception of Julie’s deterioration, that never changed. When we went to heavy metal concerts together at the Armory? It was like no time had passed between us. Really.
After recollection after recollection, all while circling ’round Bde Maka Ska’s perimeter, we’ve tired ourselves out, in a good way. We’re all laughed out. And I look at Delilah seriously, still in high spirits, still smiling warmly. “You never struck me as butch, you know. Bi, maybe. But not butch.” I gesture at her outfit. “I always loved the way you look. You really wore this ‘businesswoman’ look well… … …You still don’t look butch though,” I tease her.
Smiling at Sei's teasing remark, Delilah rolls her eyes playfully. “Only because you’ve seen me in so many dresses and skirts that I couldn’t possibly look ‘butch’,” she quips back, leaning into his side with a giggle.
“But yeah, I guess I do have a bit of a ‘businesswoman’ vibe going on,” she admits with a self-deprecating laugh, gesturing down at her outfit with a flick of her wrist. “Probably because you always liked it when I dressed up like that—back when we used to go out for drinks and dinner.”
Delilah gazes up at Sei, her blue eyes twinkling with mischief as she reaches up to lightly brush her fingers against his chest. “Besides, who cares what I look like? As long as I’m with you, that’s all that matters, right?” Her voice carries a hint of earnestness, her words a reflection of the deep feelings she harbors for Sei.
I look at her seriously. “I care about what you look like. I love the fact that you dressed up for me.” I kiss her again, almost possessively. “…Yeah. I really did love that. But you…” I look at her. “You kept dressing up like that. Even after getting with Julie.”
I let the words, realisation sink in. “…You kept dressing up like that, for me.”
Feeling Sei’s lips pressed against hers, Delilah responds eagerly, returning his kiss with equal fervor. She wraps her arms around him, pulling him closer as their bodies mold together, the heat between them building with every passing second.
As Sei’s words register within her mind, Delilah’s heart skips a beat—a mix of surprise and pleasure washing over her as she takes in his admission of his appreciation of her dress. “Really?” she whispers against his lips, her breath hitching slightly as she meets his gaze with a shy smile.
“I… did it because I loved dressing up for you,” Delilah confesses softly, her fingers tracing lazy patterns over his chest. “Even after I got together with Julie… I couldn’t help but think about how much you liked seeing me in those outfits. And… well, I missed that attention from you. I missed your approval, your compliments. So, I kept doing it. For you.”
“Oh my god you’re such a whore” I laugh, wheezing and teasing her. “If you wanted me to dote on you why didn’t you tell me!” I laugh. But, gradually, my laughter dies down. I look at her, earnestly. I take both her pale, white lily hands in man, and look at her, earnestly. Grey blue boring into sapphires.
“…Why didn’t you tell me…?” I ask her, earnestly, quietly. “Why didn’t you tell me you had feelings for me? Why did you stay so long with…” My gaze falls. It had never been a sore point for me—at least, I had tried not to let it be a sore point for me. ‘Oh, she’s not dating me because she’s lesbian, it’s not that I’m not good enough for her.’ That’s what I would tell myself, to shield perhaps what was a frail, male, ego. But that is what I did. And I became the inverse of a fag-hag, whatever you call it—I dated other women, sure, they were charming, cute, and so on and so forth and weren’t horrible but.
But none of them ever looked at me with the glee, and joy, at my very existence the same way Delilah did. And Delilah had supposedly only platonic feelings for me. It was why, in the end, I ended so many relationships. If those women were straight, and were attracted to me, why couldn’t they look at me like that?
The weight of that realisation and of so many lost, wasted years weighs heavily in my stomach, but I don’t let it burn me in this moment.
Delilah’s heart pounds heavily in her chest as she listens to Sei’s words, the intensity of his gaze making her squirm slightly under his scrutiny. She knows that she should probably be ashamed, embarrassed even, for keeping her feelings for Sei hidden away for so long.
But instead, she finds herself unable to muster up any real emotion besides affection and a deep, abiding love for the man standing before her. “I… I didn’t tell you because I was afraid,” Delilah admits softly as she meets his gaze. “Afraid of hurting you, of ruining the friendship we had. Afraid of losing you altogether.”
She takes a deep breath, steeling herself for the revelation she is about to make. “And… I stayed with Julie for so long because I thought I owed it to her. To the memory of what we had before it all fell apart. But… in the end, it wasn’t fair to either of us. Not to me, and certainly not to her. And… God, I hate to even admit this, but… I was also scared that if I left Julie, I wouldn’t find anyone else who could accept me for who I am. And… part of me felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy. Like maybe I was punishing myself for… I don't know. For being weak, or for not being brave enough to face my feelings for you.”
As she finishes speaking, Delilah lets out a shaky sigh, her blue eyes reflecting a storm of emotions swirling within her. She’s exhausted, mentally drained from carrying the weight of her secrets and fears for so long. And yet, even as she admits these things to Sei, she can’t help but feel a strange sense of relief.
Sei’s silence is deafening, and it takes Delilah a few moments to gather the courage to meet his gaze once more. “I know I probably messed up a lot along the way,” she says softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she reaches up to gently cup his cheek with her hand. “But I hope… that maybe, by telling you all this now, I can finally start to make things right.”
Delilah's thumb brushes across Sei’s cheekbone in a comforting gesture, her eyes filled with a mixture of worry and hopefulness. “Can you… can you forgive me, Sei? For everything I've done and not done? For not being braver, for not loving you the way I really should have?”
I breathe slowly. I love her touch, but… this revelation is weighty. “…You stayed with her, because it was more convenient to be with a person you were already with, not because you thought you ‘owed’ it to her," I break it down, almost starkly. "It was easier to just stay with her, it was easier to keep things the same way they were, rather than ‘rocking the boat’, and risk doing something that was hard…” My jaw is stiff, and I’m no longer relaxed. “…I don’t want to be mad at you, and I want to forgive you. After all, you were… We were just kids, we didn’t know shit—” I grimace, clamming my eyes shut. “About relationships or anything. And I just wanted to be supportive. To do the right thing. I remember in choir, when you started going out with her…” I look back up at Delilah earnestly. “All of us wanted to be supportive of you. None of us ever told the teacher—though, she probably wouldn’t have cared—that you were lesbians, that you both were seeing each other as girlfriends.”
I look down at my lap, sighing. Delilah places a hand on mine. She squeezes my hand in a gesture of compassion, support. I continue. “Maybe if we all didn’t have to be in this closet for so long… Maybe you would’ve felt freer to break up with her, or get relationship advice from one of the adults, I don’t know…” I trail off. “We were just kids. Things shouldn’t have been complicated. But they were. They were made complicated, by this feeling that we had to keep secrets, about you, Delilah, and Julie, being gay… And now. We’re adults. We’re out of the closet. And what should’ve been a middle school fling, that falls away as we’ve reached maturity (or don’t, in Julie’s case) has now metastasised into this albatross hanging around both of our necks.”
I let the silence fall between us, a heavy, grey cover, on an otherwise sunny day. “…I forgive you, Delilah. I just wish,” my face contorts with regret, “that it didn’t take seven years for all this to fall out. I wish we could’ve been together earlier. I wish…” I look at her delicate, feminine face, the loveliness of her features, her lips, the gentle curves of her cheeks.
“…I wish I could’ve been your man earlier. That’s all.”
The words leave me, and I’m spent. I’m tired—I don’t want to deal with the weight of seven lost years between us, but there it is. …and now we’re together, but there it is.
Delilah remains silent for a moment, taking in Sei's words and the raw emotion behind them. She can hear the pain and regret in his voice, and it breaks her heart to know that she was the cause of so much unhappiness and frustration for him.
As he finishes speaking, Delilah reaches out to gently take his hand, intertwining her fingers with his in a comforting gesture. “Thank you for forgiving me, Sei,” she says softly, her voice filled with genuine gratitude and relief. “I know I don’t deserve it, but… thank you.”
Delilah gives his hand a gentle squeeze, offering him a reassuring smile as she meets his gaze. “I wish things could have been different too,” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper as she looks down at their interlocked hands. “But… maybe this is just how things were supposed to happen. Maybe we needed all those years of hiding and pretending in order to grow and learn and become the people we are today. And maybe, just maybe… after all that time, we’ve finally found our way back to each other.”
a soft sigh, Delilah leans forward, closing the distance between them as she presses her lips against his in a tender, lingering kiss. “No matter what happens next, Sei… I just want you, and us… to be, us,” she intones, with finality.
I take a deep breath after her tender kiss, relaxing, despite myself, and, I nod… The wind has been taken out of me, but I nod. She’s right. At least, now, we have… us. And… it’s not like we’ve wasted all those seven years. We still shared seven years of memories together, just… not as a couple.
I raise my gaze towards her, and raise her hand, interlocked in mine, to my lips. I close my eyes, tenderly kissing the back of her hand… My beautiful Delilah’s hand. The woman who has had my heart, for seven years.
The long road of having to break up with Julie, having to deal with her moving out—since I don’t think those two exes will be happy to live with each other—is gonna be a fucking pain in the ass, but at least we’ll be together.
“We’ll find our way around life… But yeah. I want us to go to counselling. Licensed family and marriage therapist. No exceptions.”
I look at her. “I’m not dating you just to play around. I want you as my wife, got it?”
At Sei’s words, Delilah feels a rush of exhilaration and relief wash over her. She knows that what they have built between them is fragile—and that there will undoubtedly be challenges ahead. But for the first time in what seems like forever, she finally feels like she’s truly home.
She watches as Sei tenderly kisses the back of her hand, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. His words fill her with a sense of hope and determination, fueling her resolve to make their relationship work.
“Of course,” Delilah says softly, her voice laced with sincerity. “I want the same thing, Sei. I want us to go to counseling, to make sure we’re doing everything we can to build a strong foundation for our relationship.”
She gazes into his eyes, her own filled with a mix of love, affection, and a fiery determination. “And yes… I want us to be legally bound to each other too. To commit to each other not just with our hearts and souls, but with the full force of law.”